Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Men are Different from Women: Tips and Tricks

   I'm a guy, so this will be from a man's point of view. If you are a young man and are "In Love", please read this and consider that I've been a guy all my life* and I've been married for almost 35 years.

*(These days it really IS a choice. Ask Chaz Bono - the son Cher never had.)

   First off, in the most basic respect, females are different than men. I'm not talking about the wonderful physical differences. I'm talking about the most important difference. I'm talking about what goes on inside our brains. Our thought processes.

   You'd think that we would think alike. Our brains are almost identical but we use them in vastly different ways.

   When I was a young man, I'd do those things that I thought would appeal to girls in order to make them like me - to make me attractive to them. Futile. Trying to get a female to do anything that you want them to do is impossible. It's like trying to herd cats or put toothpaste back into the tube. Impossible! Well not impossible, per se, but very highly unlikely.

   Breakthrough! After many years I discovered the truth about how a female thinks. You see, females are trained from birth to think a certain way by their mothers and their mothers before them. It's their heritage. Females never stop thinking.

   Let me repeat that: Females Never Stop Thinking. It's what makes them crazy and insecure. There is no rhyme or reason to the way they analyze any given subject.

   Example: If, while on your way home from work you see a flower vendor at a stop sign and you think that you want to surprise her and bring home a flower, so you buy one and give it to her first thing in the door. Nice, right? You did good, right? Son, you have a lot to learn.

   Here's what she thinks: Oh! He brought me a flower. That's nice. I love this guy, but why didn't he buy me a dozen of them he probably doesn't love me enough maybe he's feeling guilty about doing something he shouldn't have done maybe he had an affair at work or with one of my friends which one of my friends is he sleeping with boy I hope it isn't Sue she and I have been friends for years and she always laughs a little too much when he tells a joke yes it has to be her that lying cheating b**** just wait until I see her she's going to get it right in the face and after that he and I are going to have it out.... and on and on. Not good!   

      Do yourself a favor and buy her flowers only on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries and Mother's Day. Any other time is suspect unless there is something special to celebrate.

   Females are motivated by their emotions. Romance is the most effective way to get to a female. From an early age girls are given dolls. Barbie and Ken are romantically involved. Girls love bride dolls. Girls want to grow up to be Cinderella. They want a fairytale romance. They will be disappointed. No guy wants to spend their time riding ponies and combing their girl's hair all day long.

   Men, on the other hand are motivated by visual input. We're pragmatic problem solvers. We're given trucks and shovels to play with. Tell us something that's wrong and we'll work to fix it. Ask us for advice and we'll give you a solution. Guys like to look at pretty females in tight fitting clothes or string bikinis. This is why porn is such a big business. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. It's just the way it is.

   The interaction between males and females is often fraught with danger. When a woman asks a man, "What are you thinking?" and the man replies, "Nothing", believe him.

   Women simply don't understand that men have the capacity to actually turn of their thought process and go into neutral bliss. We can quite simply think of nothing whereas a female cannot turn it off. A female cannot for a second stop thinking of something. Even during her sleep, a female is thinking and dreaming. Dangerous for men!
  
   You have to be careful when talking to a female. Think befor you speak. No matter what you say, she will take it the wrong way. She'll take it in a way that was never intended. They will often do this intentionally just to see how quick you can think on the fly. Trust me, you'll never be up to her level of verbal combat. You just won't! Never think you will win!
  
   If you are ever in an argument with a female and you think you have won because the female says "Fine". Run! Not only have you not won, you are in for the worst time in your life. You just lost! You will pay the price for your impertinence! How dare you think you could best a female at verbal combat!

   Beware if a female asks questions like: "Do I look fat in this?" or "If I were to die, would you remarry?" or "Do you really like my cooking?". There is no right answer to these questions. The best thing to do is roll over and play dead - or - answer her question with a question of your own in order to deflect hers. I warn you that this won't work forever. When she asks these questions, what she is really asking is, "Do You Love Me?" You will spend days, weeks, months and years proving you're love to her. Good luck!

   The best thing you can hope for, if you are married, is to reach a kind of equilibrium. That point in your relationship where you completely trust one another and you know everything about each other from backgrounds, families and even each other's aches and pains. This takes time. As I said, my wife and I have been married almost 35 years. We are almost there. Ten to twelve more years and we should be at that point.

   We have our roles defined. We share the cooking, cleaning and housework. If one of us is unable to do something due to illness or injury, the other fills in and takes up the slack. Whenever we travel I am the driver and she is the relief driver. I am the pack mule when we load or unload the car.

   She knows that I love her and I know that she loves me, yet we tell each other every day, just to reaffirm.

   Take it from The Geezer: When you find a female that you truly love, marry her then spend the rest of your life getting to know her. It takes work and dedication, but in the end - it's worth every minute!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Too Much Reality for Me!

   There are way too many "Reality" television programs to suit me! (For those of you who do not live in the USA, a Reality Show is where cameras follow people around during their everyday lives then edit the film to make their lives look better than yours.)

   The only reality TV that I enjoy watching are the news programs and these are disturbing enough these days.

   Scanning through the on-screen guide I see that reality shows are taking over. They have become so pervasive that we have become a nation of voyeurs.

   Have our lives become so dull and boring that we have to watch other people's dramas played out on the flat screen in order to feel fulfilled? Probably so.

   Here are a few of the many that I have seen and my comments. Some I like and some I don't.:

The Bachelor. A program about a befuddled good looking guy that can't seem to get a date so he's fixed up with 20 hot girls from which he has to choose. Poor guy!

The Bachelorette. The same but reversed roles. How does a good looking girl never find a date? Really?

Deadliest Catch. A show about fishermen yelling at each other while trying to catch the crabs.

Ice Road Truckers. The drama of truck driver's lives on snowy roads. Wow - gripping!

Iron Chef America. Chefs have a cook-off making food that a real person will never get to eat.

Challenge. Bakers bake cakes. Compete for big check. Much drama.

Cupcake Wars. Bakers bake cupcakes. Compete for big check. Less drama.

Sweet Genius. Gay Nazi tells cooks to make him a dessert.

Design on a Dime. Interior decorators make cheap improvements. When did curtains become "Window Treatments" and a drippy faucet become a "Water Feature"?

House Hunters. People looking for a new house.

House Hunters - International. People looking for a new house in another country. Oh yeah. Like this is something I need to know about!

Property Virgins. People looking for their first house. Yawn!

Project Runway. Has absolutely nothing to do with airplanes. It's gay guys designing crappy clothes.

America's Next Top Model. Really tall anorexic girls wear crappy clothes (designed by gay guys) between bouts of bulimia.

American Idol. Singing competition. I'll say this is fairly entertaining. But still...

America's Got Talent. But mostly, it doesn't. You'd think that some of these people's friends would tell them the truth...

The X Factor. More of a competition between the judges. Still somewhat entertaining if you already have your sock drawer alphabetized.

The Sing-Off. Actually fun to watch. Acapella groups compete for recording contract.

Dancing With the Stars. First off, who really thinks these so-called "Stars" are stars? The only saving grace of this season is Mr. J.R. Martinez who is a disfigured Vet who was burned over 40% of his body while in the U.S. Army in Afghanistan. Inspirational and a pretty good dancer, too.
   I look for him to win.  ----->

Bass Pros. When did fishing become a spectator sport?

Ghost Hunters. Roto-Rooter guys search for ghosts in their spare time. I guess everyone needs a hobby.

Top Gear. USA and British versions. Guys driving cars. Loads of fun!

Cribs. Rappers show us their homes and cars that they bought with the money they received from performing Rap Music (an oxymoron).

Antiques Roadshow. Folks take their old stuff to get appraised. This will make you a better yard-sale shopper.

Parking Wars. Meter maids write parking tickets. OOoooooo!

Dawg the Bounty Hunter. Professional wrestler wanna-be goes after crooks who skip bail.

Top Shot. Guys with guns... enough said.

The Real Housewives of... Name your city. Middle aged women who have too much time on their hands get into cat-fights.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Bimbo cheerleaders compete to become ... bimbo cheerleaders.

American Guns. All the drama of gun repair. Yes... that's it.

Hogs Gone Wild and American Hoggers. Not an eating competition. Hunting wild hogs. Sometimes it's hard to tell the hogs from the hunters.

Pit Bulls and Parolees. Crooks raise pit bulls. So what else is new?

American Ninja Warrior. Seriously? Words fail me (and that's a first).

Storage Wars and Auction Wars. Guys with way too much money buy other people's discarded crap from closed storage lockers.

Pawn Stars. Pawn shop buys odd junk for less than half of what it's worth.

   These are just a few that I've seen this past year or so. There are many, many others. 

   How have we come to this? What have we as a society become to make shows like these entertainment? Are we really that sedentary and bored that we have to live our lives through the exploits of others?

   Yeah. I guess we have. Otherwise these shows wouldn't be as popular as they are.

   The Geezer says to go out and do something. Get a life. Preferably your own.

Monday, November 7, 2011

We're All the Same

   I often go online to the Bushcraft USA forum to view and participate in the various posts that are there. We discuss various aspects of woodscraft or bushcraft or woodsmanship - whatever title you like to attach to that sort of activity. Camping, hunting, hiking and fishing - all outdoor activities designed to get a person into the great outdoors.

   Recently I have seen contributions to this forum (bushcraftusa.com) by a couple of members from Russia. Very interesting! They have posted photos of their camping and trapping trips during the winter in the Kirov region. It looks very cold! These are just a few of the many photos they have posted.

   The reason I bring this up is this: We older folks in the USA grew up during the 'Cold War' era and the propaganda that were exposed to gave us the impression that Russia (or at least the Soviet Union) was a dark and dreary place to live! After seeing these photos posted by Russian outdoorsmen I have to change my perceptions. If I had been told that these guys were from Wisconsin or Minnesota, I would have had to reason to doubt it.

   The country shown in these photos is beautiful in that stark way that any winter scene is portrayed. The men in the photos are outdoorsmen and that doesn't change from country to country. Wearing warm clothing as they demonstrate universal bushcraft in order to be comfortable in the cold.

   Their camp shelter is simple but well done. It provides shelter from the wind and snow as well as keep in the heat from their stove. This provides much more comfort than just a tent and sleeping bag.

   Since I don't read Russian, I  feel that (from their photos) the purpose of their trip is to build a more permanent shelter for future trapping and hunting expeditions. The shelter starts as a dug-out with interior walls of split wood then roofed over in a way that will shed snow and be easy to make waterproof by means of a tarp or plastic sheeting. With a small wood burning stove inside it will be very nice.

    I have often wondered about the Russian people and life in that huge country. So much wilderness to see and the different customs to experience and understand. As I look at these photos and others that are too many to post here, I get the sense that the universal skills and methods that are inherent in bushcraft and outdoor survival are what make me feel a kinship to these men living on the other side of the world.

   I look at the readership of this blog and I have discovered that I have readers from all over the world, including Russia. This is to my Russian brothers who apply their skills and experience to survive in the wild! There is so much of the world that I would like to see in person but as I get older I no longer desire to travel long distances as I once did. I have to be contented to see the world  through the experiences and photographs of others.

   As a Geezer, I enjoy my warmth too well to go camping in the winter but I often envy the experiences of those hardy enough to brave the elements.