Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I'm a Bad, Bad Boy - Part 2

After a recent post of mine, my dear sister reminded me of some of the other questionable things that I had done in the past. Things that I should share here with you...

A number of years ago I worked as a Security Officer at a gold mine here in Nevada. The mine was owned entirely by British Petroleum (BP). One of my duties was to drive a van from the town where I lived to the mine and back at the beginning and end of my 12 hour shift.

There were two Security Officers on duty at any given time. One of us would drive to work and the other would drive home. Also on the van with us were 12 or 13 other miners. On the trip home they would always sleep. The distance from town to the mine was 75 miles each way, at least 1 1/2 hours of sleep each way.

My partner and discussed that it didn't sem fair that we should have to drive while the rest of the crew was able to sleep, so we devised a plan... oh, we were sneaky.

We decided that I would drive the crew back to town. When I walked to get in the van already loaded with the mine crew, my partner, Jerry would come out of the building offering to drive home loud enough so that those in the van could easily hear.

When we got inside they asked what was going on. Jerry replied: "Steve forgot that it was his turn to drive home tonight and, well, he's been having problems sleeping so he took a sleeping pill and now he wants to drive but he won't let me take over for him."

Needless to say EVERYONE on the van was now wide awake and offering to drive for me but I wouldn't allow it. They were all talking to me on the way home in an effort to keep me awake and several times I "accidently" drifted toward the other lane or to the edge of the roadway or I would drop my chin to my chest as if I was dozing off. This would result in the screams and shouts of my passengers. Lovely. No sleep for them on this trip!

When we got to town (safely, I might add) Jerry and I told them that we were just having a bit of fun with them and that I hadn't actually taken a sleeping pill.

They were not very amused. Death threats were uttered. Bodily harm was attempted. We laughed. They eventually got over it... I think.

Another time, when I was stationed at the U.S. Navy base in Key West, Florida (I was in the U.S. Coast Guard but was attending a year-long Navy school) I had been corresponding by mail with my next younger sister Peggy, who was in High School. 

Through the course of this correspondence she asked me if I could send her a souvenir from Key West. I was happy to do so. But what to send?

I thought about it for at least a week when, during the task of cleaning our barracks room it struck me! I would send her some Florida green-eyed blow flies! I carefully swept several of the little (dead) buggers from he window sill of my room into an envelope. I added a short note explaining what they were and dropped them in the mail. I honestly thought she would be excited!

I then called her and let her know that her Key West souvenir was in the mail! She was excited since I wouldn't tell her what I was sending. Her anticipation level was high.

Really! She KNEW how I could be! She set her expectations WAY too high. When she got the envelope she was apparently disappointed. So much so that my mother called me and kinda chewed me out for being so cruel. What? Me cruel? Hardly! I'm not sure that she's ever forgiven me. She sort of laughs about it now but it's one of those laughs that has no humor behind it. The kind of laughs that says: "Just wait (insert slang term for rectum here)! You'll get yours!"

My sister loves me...  oh yeah she does.

The Geezer sometimes has to watch his own back when around family!

Be good!


  1. That thing with the van. Thats just cruel.

    The thing with the dead flies. Funny.

    Both funny really. Maybe cruel but funny.

  2. Ah dear brother, after years and years I've forgiven you for the flies. Really looking back on it, it was funny. I did not know that Mom called you....now that IS funny! Oh, there are so many things....killing my stick horse when I was little (pretending to be William Tell - just stand still I won't hit you with my arrow!), the chicken incident (hey lady can you pass that test?), Numero Uno and Numero Dose, the potato skins, passing gas in your VW and holding the window crank so I couldn't open the window...oh sooooo many things to think back on.....

    Oh, yes, your sister does love you........


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