Saturday, October 13, 2012

Obituaries (Not For the Squeamish)

   Michael Eugene Carver, 23, a noted rock climber fell to his death Saturday while climbing Yosemite's "El Capitan" the 3000 foot massif in Yosemite Valley.

   Carver was making a traverse of the cliff face while free-climbing the daunting granite wall when, according to witnesses, his grip failed causing him to fall nearly 2000 feet to the jumble of rocks below to the horror of onlookers.

   Witness James Slayter was closest to the point of Carver's impact had these comments, "Dude! I got splashed! I thought I was going to hurl! Oh, yeah. Too bad about Mike!"

   Carver's family noted when interviewed by KBSX reporters that, "Michael will be missed, but at least he was doing what he loved".


   Stanley Lee Gabrosky died as a result of a shark attack off the coast of Miami Beach while Wind-Surfing. Gabrosky was "Catching Air" when he fell from his board according to witnesses. The Great White Shark came up from beneath Gabrosky and nearly severed his torso with one gigantic bite.

   Gabrosky's remains were fished from the water by the Coast Guard and turned over to Miami Coroner's personnel.

   Gabrosky's fiance, 19 year old Gina Clemmens, while extremely upset over the incident claimed that she was happy that "Stan died while doing what he loved best, well, next to me that is".


   William Gaines Finn, 35, was killed Friday in a Bungee Jumping accident in St. Louis, Missouri. The "Bungee Dare" amusement operated by Crazy Carnival and Amusements, LLC was the scene of the accident.

   According to friends, Finn was celebrating his birthday and had been drinking on and off during the day. His wife of seven years, Earlene Finn, 24, dared Finn to jump from the "Bungee Dare" attraction.

   Mrs. Finn told reporter Mark Steele that she told her husband, "He was a real wuss if he didn't make the jump". Reporter Steel noted that Mrs. Finn had a black eye and several bruises on her arms.

   According to the police report, Finn was in such a hurry to make the jump that he didn't wait for the carnival employees to attach the bungee cords to his (Finn's) ankles. Finn leaped almost 200 feet to his death.

   Finn's parents, Bill and Kate Finn, told reporters that William Finn died while doing what he loved, showing off to his "Purty little wife".


   James Joseph Mills, JJ to his friends, 21, of Myrtle Beach, Florida, died of an overdose of heroin last Wednesday night while partying in his parent's basement apartment, where he lived. Mills was found the following afternoon at 3:30 pm by his girlfriend, Lauren Dickey, 19, also of Myrtle Beach.

   Dickey was interviewed by police detectives where she stated that they had been celebrating an upcoming job interview JJ had been called to attend that day. "It would have been one of the best jobs he had ever had". she explained. The interview was with Chang's China Cuisine as a dishwasher and chopstick repairman.

   JJ's parents Cord and Elizabeth Mills were very introspective about their son's death. "JJ always liked to live life on the edge. He had such a zest for life and wasn't bound by society's conventions" Mrs. Mills stated. "Even though he dropped out of High School, he made his life his own. He died doing what he loved most, brown heroin".


   Leon Tyler Brown, 47, of Battle Creek, Michigan was shot and killed by Battle Creek Police while in the act of raping college student, Michelle Johnson, 19, of Detroit, Michigan.

   Police were called to the 600 block of Prentiss Avenue at 9:36 pm with reports of a woman screaming and crying. When Police arrived, Officer Todd Wyatt called for Brown to stop what he was doing. Brown reportedly turned to the officer and brandished a firearm resulting in Officer Wyatt shooting Brown. Brown died on the way to the hospital. Michelle Johnson was treated for minor injuries and released.

   Brown's wife of 27 years, Andrea Brown, stated that Leon had always liked young college girls and commented the she never thought that he'd resort to rape. Police stated that they believe Brown to be the so-called "West Side Rapist" that has been terrorizing Battle Creek for the past 16 months.

   Brown's wife stated that she was happy that he, Leon Brown, "Perished while doing what he loved".


   The body of David Carleton Ross, 56, of Billings, Montana was found dead in the Billings Morgue. When employees arrived at work Monday morning at the morgue, they discovered Ross on the floor of the storage room. An unidentified corpse was found face down on a morgue gurney. 

   It appeared to investigators that Ross had been sodomizing the corpse when he suffered a heart attack and died. Morgue personnel found several other bodies that had been similarly molested.

   Ross' aged mother, Eugenie Ross stated that her son was always "different" in his tastes. He is reported to have never been married or had a girlfriend. "I'm happy to find that he at least had an outlet for his energies" Mrs. Ross stated. "I'm glad that he died while doing what he loved"!


  I, The Geezer, 64, hope that when I die, I do so while doing what I love...
While the names above have been changed, the incidents have actually happened... so do what you love, but watch your back!


  1. Man... next time I read your blog I have to remember o swallow my pepsi! I spewed all over my keyboard. What a mess!

    Really funny. I have to clean this up before it dries.


    1. As long as you're doing what you love....

      Thanks for the comments. Don't read with your mouth full!



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